The Rope Exercise.
During my “Healing With Words” group (for more details about this fantastic program, see my post Helpful Resources and Information I Wish I Had When First Diagnosed), we were asked to contemplate a rope. Most simply, what is a rope? What does a rope do? What are the qualities or characteristics of a rope? Then, in thinking about those ideas, we were asked to compare ourselves to that rope and specifically, how the concept of a rope applied to our cancer experience.
Although I wrote this piece more than one-year ago, I am amazed by how it still rings so true.
Others rely on me to be their strength. I hear others comment how strong I am and have been. They cannot believe how I have kept it together through everything, while remaining so tough. They comment how they could never be so strong. They would have just given up and fallen apart. Yet, what else am I to do? I am a rope. I have no other choice, but to be strong.
Was I built this strong? Have I become like this over time, as each new experience and challenge adds one more layer, another strand, making me stronger and stronger? Maybe I have always had this incredible strength, but never knew it until I faced my breaking point, until I was just about to snap?
Time and time again, no matter what I face, I continue to hold on, never letting go. I refuse to break. Yet, I am still afraid I will one-day fall apart, that I will snap. I worry I will lose my strength, and that I won’t be able to hold on any longer. Even worse, I fear that slowly and painfully my strands will completely unravel and that I will be gone. I am haunted by the thought that I will watch myself unravel that way, and yet, will have no control or ability to make myself strong again. I do not want to just rot away, left alone and forgotten, realizing that I completely lost that strength, which had once so impressed and inspired others.
I suppose in the end, one day every rope will become too worn, lose its might, or just snap. We were not built to last forever anyway. For now, I will just appreciate the strength I have everyday. I will cherish all the other ropes, which are here by my side, adding to my strength. I will continue to serve my purpose in aiding others, who may not be so strong and need my power to help them achieve their goals. That is all I can do. After all, I am just a rope.