I’ve been told that I give more to people than they deserve, and that it only winds up hurting me in the end because I’ll never get back what I give in terms of my heart. So, when someone I let close to my heart, hurts me it hurts even more than the average person.
I have what’s known as a “highly sensitive personality”. If you’d like to know basics on this personality-type, here’s a link: https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/highly-sensitive-person-signs/. A more in-depth article from someone with this personality can be found here: https://medium.com/invisible-illness/highly-sensitive-person-hsp-637295745aa
Some traits of people with this type of personality:
1. We absorb other people’s feelings no matter whether we know them personally or not, and it’s overwhelming for us (trust, I’ve cried through literally EVERY Disney movie);
2. We withdraw a lot, not necessarily because we want to be alone, but we NEED it;
3. Change comes very hard for us, and not just, “Oh no one likes change” – it’s extremely challenging;
4. We are always thinking, not just about something like the weather, but deeply and intensely. It typically comes off as being “shy” or even “cold” (Yes, I have Bitchy Resting Face, but I’m not angry, I’m just constantly in deep thought)
5. We notice everything and it can lead to an immediate sense of like or distrust of a person we hardly know. So, we’re labeled as “judgmental”.
6. When we hurt, we really, really hurt!
Do I expect people to be perfect? Absolutely not! I’ve got plenty of flaws, myself.
Lately, I’ve been asking myself, “When is it just time to walk away?” Recognizing that I do take things more personally than the average person, when does a relationship become toxic enough that I just have to let go? For me, this isn’t a romantic relationship, but so-called “family and friends “.
I don’t have any magical answers to this one, but I imagine, in fact I know, a lot of people who are ill face this dilemma. When we face our own mortality, we can’t help but look around at who has been there for us, who has offered help, who has sent well-wishes, cards, flowers, etc. On the other hand, we also see who hasn’t. People are supportive in different ways, but if you haven’t gotten one iota of support from someone, and you’re tied to them because they’re family or you have multiple friends in common, it’s tough.
I’ve made a promise to myself that in 2020, a new year, a new decade-I’m going to be cutting out a LOT of people. I can’t handle the pain of hoping this person, or that person will suddenly be there for me. They won’t and no matter what I do, I can’t “teach an old dog new tricks”.
So, it’s not me, it’s actually you. Buh-Bye!