I Consider Myself Pretty Self-Aware but today I Gained a Whole New Perspective
As stated in the Heading, I consider myself pretty self-aware. I write. I journal. I meditate off and on. I see a therapist. When something goes wrong in my life, the first question I ask is: “what did I do to cause this, or did I do anything to cause this?” I constantly reflect on my life. Hey, I gotta a lot time on my hands!
It’s pretty rare for me to read something so concise, and realize, “Wow! That’s me. I never viewed it that way before.”
I stumbled upon this piece on “self-sabotaging” through @BloggersHut on Twitter. It’s a place where bloggers come together to share their work. It’s pretty cool, I must say.
So many traits I’ve had, even going back to childhood, which I’ve just accepted as “me” fit within the criteria of “self-sabotage”.
According to the article’s author, “self-sabotage” means we:
either actively or passively, through…thoughts and/or actions, prevent ourselves from achieving something we desire, such as completing a goal or taking action on an idea that we have.See article linked below
I don’t want to spoil the detailed article, but one example of self-sabotaging is based on control. More specifically, needing to be in constant control.
Now, I’ve always been a control freak. I can’t collaborate in groups because I want control over any project or work, especially if my name is appearing on it. I can’t delegate work for the same reason. This goes along with my perfectionist personality, also discussed in the article.
An interesting point mentioned in the article is that when someone like me loses control, or feels that I’m losing control, it can manifest in certain conditions, like hair pulling, skin picking, or OCD. I have a horrendous habit of picking at my head (admittedly, very gross, I know!) but I’ve done it since I was a kid. It’s totally involuntary at this stage.
The author calls himself a “king at procrastinating”. Well, I am the Queen! Again, even as a kid I waited until the last possible moment to do anything. My father should have simply recorded himself saying, “When I ask you to do something it means now, not when you want.” He literally sat with me after school or in the evening to do my homework. If he hadn’t who knows where I’d be because I likely wouldn’t have done it on my own.
Once I got to high school, then through college and even into law school, my papers were always written late at night into the wee hours of the morning. Since I had always crammed for exams at the last minute and achieved high marks, I tried it in law school too. That did not go so well… I learned the hard way first year I could not do that anymore!
When it came to the bar exam, I probably studied less than most of my friends. Yet, I still passed 2 state exams on the first try. 🤷🏻♀️
I related so much to this article and learned quite a bit about myself. I encourage you to read it.
The Article and Author’s Information
You can follow the author’s Blog “Unwanted Life” here: https://unwantedlife.me/