Computers Crash and So Do We

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“Did You Back-Up Your Computer?”

For those of us who were of age to watch “Sex In the City” when it originally aired, I hope you can appreciate this reference.

For the younger generations watching the show in re-runs, you may or may not appreciate it as much.

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Synopsis of the Episode – The Laptop

I’ll explain why this episode of “Sex In the City” is so meaningful at this moment in my life, but first I’ll give a brief synopsis.

In this particular episode, entitled “My Motherboard, My Self” (Season Four, Episode Eight; originally aired 7/15/2001 – Wow, I feel old!) Carrie’s laptop crashes. If you’re in any way familiar with the show, you know that Carrie’s “whole life is in that laptop!”

Although her amazing boyfriend (in my personal opinion) Aidan attempts to help, he doesn’t quite understand how valuable that laptop is to Carrie.

You can watch a part of the episode on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/YWSZJXhOvBw

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In the episode, everyone keeps asking Carrie, “Did you back-up your computer, data, etc?” Newsflash: She hasn’t. At the computer repair shop, the tech guy asks when she last backed-up her system. She looks at him like a deer in headlights and says:

I don’t do that

Carrie in “My Motherboard, My Self”

I feel you, girl! I feel you!

Using a pay phone, (Yes, a pay phone. The horror!) Carrie reaches Miranda, the big-time attorney and the one who usually seems to have her s—t together. However, Miranda is actually in the hospital because her mother has suffered a heart attack.

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Synopsis of the Episode – Grief

For a show that didn’t initially touch on very deep issues, this one definitely got DEEP. As the episode continues, Miranda is shown breaking down over her mother’s death.

I must say, the actress, Cynthia Nixon, who plays Miranda is fantastic in this episode. The range of emotions she exhibits is so raw.

It’s so real.

You truly feel her grief.

She retreats from those closest to her.

Then, she eventually breaks down when telling Carrie via a good old-fashioned pay phone that her mother has died.

However, for anyone who has experienced the grief of losing a loved one, or going through a severely challenging time, you likely can relate to the “dressing-room scene”.

Since she’s is in Philadelphia and obviously didn’t pack for a funeral, Miranda is forced to go shopping for both a black dress and bra.

A mall is just about the last place you would want to be, or at least I’d want to be, in that state of emotional turmoil.

The saleswoman is A LOT! She is overbearing, pushy and even barges into the dressing room while Miranda is trying on a bra! Understandably, she lashes out at the saleswoman, who IS coming from a good place. Despite being way too much, she IS just trying to help.

Recognizing this, Miranda immediately apologizes and explains that her mother has just died. The saleswoman, Lucille, grabs Miranda and envelops her in a giant bear hug! Despite being the type of person who generally would never accept this, Miranda completely releases all her pent-up pain and anguish in a stranger’s hug.

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Synopsis of the Episode – Finding Support

When it comes down to it, the crux of the episode, and the show in general, is really about how the various women support Miranda and one another in this time of need. They each express their support in different ways, which of course is totally in-line with their characters. Frankly, that’s pretty true to form in the real world.

…these women provide a support network for one another—whether computers are crashing or parents are dying.

https://tv.avclub.com/my-favorite-sex-and-the-city-episode-my-self-1798265696

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When I was preparing to write this Post, I was actually shocked by how many have written about this particular episode. In fact, many writers include it on their “Top 10” list of a show that undoubtedly changed pop culture forever, Regardless of whether you love it or hate it, this show:

• Influenced fashion (Hello, Manolos)
• Forced every bartender in the world to know how to make a Cosmo
• Created the never-ending debate amongst girlfriends, “Which one of us is the Carrie of our group?”
• Showed a whole lotta sex on TV, which really wasn’t “a thing”
• Most importantly, it made women truly appreciate and embrace their female friendships. Friends in fact became family

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Nothing expressed that last point better than the “funeral scene.”

Prior to the actual funeral, Miranda in my opinion, tries to deflect her pain with snarky jokes that the big discussion amongst her family isn’t that her mother is dead, but instead that she’s still single. In fact, she admits that she’ll have to walk behind the coffin alone.

During the funeral scene, Miranda begins that horrid walk behind the coffin, distraught and alone. However, because these women are not just friends, but rather, “friends who became family” Carrie runs to Miranda’s side, taking her hand and showing what true support really is – just being there, showing-up and not shying away from the hurt and anguish.

When something enormous and awful happens in one of your friends’ lives, the shock waves that go through you…

Cynthia Nixon commenting on the episode

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ASIDES

I looooooved Aidan and always thought she should have wound-up with him.

I actually had a very funny encounter with Mr. Big in NYC very late one night, or early in the morning-however ya want to think about it. Before the days of Uber and Via, yellow cabs were the more comfortable, safer mode of transport compared to the subway. So after a long night out, quite intoxicated (admittedly) my friend and I were in a yellow cab, stopped at a red light. Well, I look over at the car next to us and whose face am I staring at but Mr. Big.

Now, I’ve been close-up to celebrities many times especially in NYC and L.A. Yet, in my drunken state, at that moment I started yelling to my friend, sitting right next to me, “oh my God! It’s Big! Look, Look! It’s Big!” 🤦‍♀️

My friend, who was even more drunk than I was actually rolled down the window of our cab, yelling “Hi!” to him…ya know, because in the moment, we thought he was our long, lost best friend! He gave us a half wave and sped off as fast as he could as the light turned green. I don’t blame him one bit.

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This Episode Is My Life Right At This Very Moment

Essentially, everything that is key to this episode is my life at this moment in time.

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The Laptop

Yes, my whole life too is on my laptop. Yes, mine crashed after 9 years! Yes, I know I should have backed it up. No. I didn’t back it up, although in fairness, I tried. My external drive just didn’t have enough space. Yes, I had a pure meltdown thinking ALL my files, my “whole life” were gone.

Luckily, tech support was able to recover everything! However, I now have to get a new Mac. I hate change. I’m such a creature of habit. A new Mac is not cheap either!

Yet, my “whole world” is not lost! 🎉🎉🎉

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Grief – Not Just About Losing A Loved One

Grief doesn’t have to necessarily be related to losing a loved one. You can grieve a lot of things, especially when cancer or any chronic illness enters your world.

Just a few examples of the things you may wind up grieving:

• The person you were before you got sick, whether that means
  • “the physical” you in the way you looked before getting sick
  • “the physical” you in the way you moved, i.e. before you needed a cane or an assistive device, or how you went from a fully active lifestyle to barely being able to walk
  • the person who was able to freely work, or work without any accommodations
  • the person who never took a pill even for a headache but now requires 5 or 6 medications daily
  • The person that went to the doctor once or twice a year, but now has an entire team of doctors whose appointments you have to keep track of and you seem to spend more time with doctors than you did at work
    • Example: Yesterday, I was in the hospital from 11 am until 7:30 am seeing doctor after doctor, getting test after test performed
• Trouble with fertility, which can range from struggling with the decision of whether or not to freeze your eggs, go through IVF, or learning you are unable to have children
• Relationship issues, whether you’re married, dating your S.O. long-term or you’re casually dating

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There’s so many things we grieve, but personally one of the biggest issues I’ve been dealing with lately is missing the person who wasn’t afraid of anything.

Now, I have to worry if I’m going to get a seizure, if the cancer will come back and whether I’m going to live to see another year.

I’m About To Crash, Just Like My Computer

This really all hit home yesterday when I spent literally all day at one of my treating hospitals, Sloan Kettering.

I went in for what was supposed to be a routine post-op appointment with my plastic surgeon. Due to some swelling in the area of my last surgery on August 24th, he had to first inject me with local anesthetic. Then he tried to drain the area thinking it was fluid buildup. It didn’t work.

At that point, he reopened the surgical site. I won’t go into the gory details but my Lord, the pain!

Despite all that pain, my plastic surgeon couldn’t relieve the swelling and was understandably concerned.

I was rushed to see another surgeon who specializes in Head and Neck Tumors. After consulting with him, he sent me for immediate biopsies of my lymph nodes.

More Needles. More severe pain. Then, the real kicker:

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The biopsy results are “abnormal”, and without the full pathology report that takes about a week, I won’t know if I’m sitting here with cancer once again. Yet, this time it could be in my lymph nodes and potentially other areas given where these lymph nodes are in my body.

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Having Support

Thank God for all my amazing friends and family, but especially my husband who held my hand as I cried and cried in pain. He’s obsessed with medical shows, which I never understood (Um, we live THOSE SHOWS). After watching yesterday’s procedures, I feel like he may be over those.

So, while my computer crashed, but we retrieved all my files my life could be completely crashing once again.