One Of The Hardest Posts I’ll Ever Write
In this Post, I discuss the power of our energy, energy reading and NDEs, including my own.
Near Death Experiences (NDEs)
According to the Merriam – Webster’s Dictionary the official definition of a Near Death Experience is:
an occurrence in which a person comes very close to dying and has memories of a spiritual experience (such as meeting dead friends and family members or seeing a white light) during the time when death was near
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/near-death%20experience
I’m not forcing anyone to believe in NDEs
You may believe in the phenomena known as near death experiences, or for short NDE.
You could believe it’s pure nonsense.
Perhaps, you’re “on the fence” and not sure what you think about these experiences
I’m not here to convince you that NDEs are real.
No matter.
I am merely sharing my personal experience, and some studies about these experiences.
My Personal Beliefs…For What it’s Worth
Our Energy
Personally, I have always believed, as science teaches, that energy never disappears.
I don’t like the term “death”. Thus, I say “passing”/””passed on”. That goes along with my belief that when our physical life has ended, it is not actually an end.
Thus, when someone passes. I firmly believe that person’s “energy” remains somewhere on this Earth, in some form.
What that form may be?
I don’t know. Does that form change? I think so.
Why?
I have had numerous “experiences” that cannot be explained in any other way.
I’ll go into the details below.
I believe that energy is our soul, and remains in one body until the time comes when our soul must move on.
****I use the term “soul” but don’t be turned off by the religious connotation. If you do not believe in the soul, substitute it for energy, or ” Spirit”.
Whether our soul moves onto Heaven, or it travels into another body (reincarnation), I certainly don’t have the answer to that. None of us really do.
Obviously, the moment you hear, “You have brain cancer” especially at such a young age, you think about “the end” a lot. It’s only a natural thought. Obsessing over it – that’s something TOTALLY DIFFERENT.
Throughout this Blog, I’ve written about mortality.
Here is one simple example:
https://braincancerbabe.com/2016/05/27/everything-happens-for-a-reason-and-the-judgment-zone/
My Catholic Upbringing
My strict, Irish Catholic upbringing would have me believe: “all the good people go to Heaven, and all the bad ones suffer eternal damnation in Hell”. There’s also Purgatory, or eternal limbo. Even after all these decades, I’m still a little hazy on that one.
Maybe they should save those teachings for when kids are a little bit older…
I straight-up had a meltdown at about 6 years old as a first-grader. I was convinced my father would burn forever in Hell because he said a curse word. One curse word! We’re Irish – we tend to curse! #truth
Yet, when “learning about sins” cursing was included in that long list.
Ah, an Irish Catholic childhood is quite interesting.
SIDE NOTE: EVERY SINGLE SCHOOL I ATTENDED WAS CATHOLIC, INCLUDING UNIVERSITY AND LAW SCHOOL. THIS WASN’T MY CHOICE, BUT I RECEIVED SCHOLARSHIPS TO HIGH SCHOOL, AS WELL AS FOR MY FURTHER SCHOOLING.
This Conan clip really hits the nail on the head about being raised as an Irish Catholic!
Angels and Spirits Among Us
I have experienced multiple instances and have seen “signs” that there are angels/spirits among us.
These experiences have happened throughout my life.
As A Child
I was severely scared of the dark as a child, and that fear actually only ended once I got sick.
I suppose I had scarier things to fear!
Although I don’t like to admit this, I believe my intense fear of the dark arose when I saw a ghost/ spirit/ angel.
The image remains so vivid still to this day.
My bedroom growing up was on the second floor of our house. My bed faced out towards the hallway leading to our second bathroom.
I have always had problems sleeping, even as a kid. However, one night I was awake and looked out my bedroom door towards the bathroom.
What I saw I do not share easily….
My Dirty, Little Secret
I was wide awake.
Well, one night there was a woman in the hallway just outside the bathroom door.
She wore what can best be described as a 1900-era style dress.
Yet, I could see through her! She was what the Sepia filter makes images look like – not white, not grey but somewhere in-between. But, again she was transparent…
Her hair was pulled back in a bun (again within the 1900-era style). She turned and looked at me. Then, she merely floated away into the bathroom. I never saw her again.
Absolutely, I was too young to have known she was dressed exactly as women did during that time period. My mother was born in 1944 and my father in 1948. Thus, this apparition was dressed in-line with what my great-grandmother or grandmother in Ireland would have likely worn.
IMPORTANT NOTE:
MY PARENTS DON’T DISPLAY PHOTOGRAPHS. I’VE ONLY SEEN A PHOTOGRAPH OF MY GRANDMOTHER ONCE AT A FAMILY MEMBER’S HOME IN IRELAND DECADES AGO.
I have NEVER told my parents, even to this day about this ! They’d really believe that ALL THE BRAIN SURGERIES AND DAMAGE TO MY BRAIN finally caught-up to me!
Having My “Energy Read”
A Spirit Watches Over Me
Then, in my 20’s I had my “energy read” by a well-known energy reader. She does not like to be called a “psychic”. According to her current website:
For the past 25 years, Diane Rose has been a practitioner of multi-dimensional healing and a respected voice in intuitive awareness. Through her approach to remedial wellness, Diane is able to recognize imbalances in energy – whether of the mind, body or soul – and address them in the exact place that they began.
https://www.dianerosehealing.com
From the moment I stepped into her studio/healing space, she spoke almost unstoppably. The explicit details she spewed out about my life is absolutely NOTHING she could have known or found out prior to the session.
It was almost like she was in a trance. I barely spoke except to answer a few questions.
One thing she told me:
“There is an older woman, either your grandmother or great grandmother on your mother’s side. She is always with you, watching over and protecting you. She is here right now and is placing flowers by your feet.”
I knew exactly who it was. It was the spirit/ghost/angel I had seen so many years ago outside my bedroom door when I was a child.
My Health
I feel it’s also symbolic that during this session, the spirit/my angel Diane saw was putting flowers at my feet.
Many cultures believe our strength and even health arise from our feet.
During my session, Diane also explicitly told me I needed to “watch my health in the next five years”.
I was diagnosed with brain cancer about five years later!
Having The Power to “Read Energy” And The Power Of Our Energy
I believe this ability absolutely exists. Before you wanna admit me into the psych ward… hear me out.
During my session with Diane, she told me I was also able to read energies. A Reiki Master told me I had these abilities years later.
I constantly get immediate feelings about others. For example. I read “bad vibes” from people the second I meet them. Eventually, I’ll find out I was right on-point. I always know when a good friend is pregnant before they tell me, or are showing. I wake up and get a feeling “something is wrong”. Ultimately, I’ll learn something bad happened to a loved one. There are houses I’ll step into and just get an awful feeling, as in “I am NOT sleeping here!”
In no way do I have the power like Diane. Yet, I was also told I have the ability when I attended a spiritual retreat several years ago.
I suppose my energy is pretty darn strong.
Recently, a good friend went for a reading. Literally the first thing the reader said was, “Who is Ruth? That’s my first name, by the way.
She continued on about me, and told my friend:
-my mother’s relatives are with me
-my health is not good and I need to have people around me right now because of my health
-tell her to keep using her hand! (Right now, I have no use of my left hand)
I can picture my friend, thinking “okay but what about me?” 🤣
Info About NDEs
If you truly want to “geek out” and research the subject this is a great link. This was a study published by the NIH. A place I have unfortunately been learning quite a lot about lately since my latest diagnosis.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6172100/
The Atlantic also published a very detailed article about NDEs entitled, “The Science of Near-Death Experiences”.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/04/the-science-of-near-death-experiences/386231/
Essentially, what both very reputable sources revealed about NDEs is that:
- Even though details and exact descriptions may vary, overall the experiences are extremely similar crossing ages, cultures, etc.
- Some of the experiences include:
- the sensation of floating up and viewing your own body;
- meeting spirits or angels; meeting a loving presence or God;
- encountering long-lost relatives or friends;
- recalling scenes from your life, like “watching your life play out before you”;
- feeling immensely connected to all the world;
- A tunnel of light; and
- being called away from that other world and back into one’s own body.
Many NDErs report that their experience did not feel like a dream or a hallucination but was, as they often describe it, “more real than real life.” They are profoundly changed afterward, and tend to have trouble fitting back into everyday life.
“Proof of Heaven”by Eben Alexander
In fact I read through most of this 2012 New York Times bestselling book. Admittedly, I just couldn’t get through it.
Nevertheless, it is a ” Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife“. It is nonfiction book and autobiographical written by an American neurosurgeon, who writes about a his personal NDE while in a week-long coma brought on by meningitis.
During the seven days in a coma, Alexander claims that he experienced the afterlife and that he met and spoke with God.
This afterlife experience proved to Alexander that consciousness is “autonomous from the brain.”
He is now teaching people that it is through this belief in religion, the soul and the afterlife that true health can be attained
Of course, there are skeptics and some question Alexander’s account.
Yet, prior to his NDE, as a a scientist Alexander never practiced any religious beliefs and did not believe in NDEs.
Once he had woken-up from his coma, Alexander was told he had suffered from a very rare form of meningitis, bacterial meningitis, and his recovery was a miracle!
NDEs Where You Meet A Loved One Who Passed
Many people who report having experienced an NDE describe encounters with people that they knew during their life, but had passed on. The following is an example of encountering a deceased loved ones in an NDE. This example is also notable as the NDEr was born totally deaf:
“I approached the boundary. No explanation was necessary for me to understand, at the age of ten, that once I cross[ed] the boundary, I could never come back— period. I was more than thrilled to cross. I intended to cross, but my ancestors over another boundary caught my attention. They were talking in telepathy, which caught my attention. I was born profoundly deaf and had all hearing family members, all of which knew sign language! I could read or communicate with about twenty ancestors of mine and others through telepathic methods. It overwhelmed me. I could not believe how many people I could telepathize with simultaneously.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6172100/#b24-ms111_p0372
Yet, in dreams or hallucinations when familiar persons are present they are much more likely to be living and/or from recent memory.
This is in sharp contrast to NDErs, s where familiar persons encountered are almost always deceased!.
See the study for more details: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6172100/#b24-ms111_p0372
(“DRUMROLL, PLEASE”) AND NOW MY OWN NDE
I don’t want to go into too much detail on the medical hell I survived, but my most recent surgery (Number 9 since 2014) was admittedly extremely complex. It lasted 14 and a half hours!
I thought my 3rd surgery, which lasted over 12 was bad!
Nevertheless, I had my parotid (a major salivary gland) removed, multiple lymph nodes removed, my plastic surgeon had to take a graft of skin and a nerve from my thigh to basically put my neck back together again! Oh and they removed my right ear but put it back on. Yet, I have zero equilibrium.
You can read about this 3rd bout of cancer here on my Blog: https://braincancerbabe.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=5146&action=edit
WHAT I DO KNOW & LED-UP TO MY NDE
- I came out of 14.5 hours of anesthesia fine
- I was sent up the post-op observation unit (PACU) around 8:30 p.m. (My surgery began at around 7:00 a.m.)
- I missed my nighttime seizure meds, as noted in the scant records I received
- DESPITE BEING LEGALLY ENTITLED TO MY MEDICAL RECORDS, AND DEMANDING ALL MY RECORDS FOR THE DAY OF SURGERY AND THE FOLLOWING DAY, I WAS ONLY GIVEN LESS THAN HALF. I NOW HAVE THEM ALL BUT IM STILL TOO TRAUMATIZED TO READ THEM… An issue for another day
- By 8:45 p.m. I was in the PACU (supposedly being observed)
- At 9:00 p.m., I was speaking normally and complaining of pain; my pain scale was an 8 out of 10
- I had a fentanyl pump of 40 mcg and instructed to press the button
- Then “at some point” – NO TIME NOTED, I stopped breathing:
- They put on a non-rebreather mask (NRB), and my oxygen returned to 100%, but was not responsive
- At 10:01 p.m. Narcan was administered
- I began to seize,
- After the seizure subsided, I was responsive, gave my name, stated where I was and that it was October 2020! I had no post-ictal confusion. I finally got my nighttime seizure medications.
- However, the “neurology resident on-call unilaterally determined I was “too lethargic” to get narcotic pain medications! After a horrific 14 and a half hour surgery to be denied narcotic meds is like pure torture! Not to mention who wouldn’t be lethargic AFTER ALL THAT?
- Then, this “neurology team” member returned at 4:20 a.m. Apparently my “mental status” had improved, my speech was fluent, I responded appropriately to commands, yet I was complaining of very bad pain. Nevertheless, I still denied any opioid medication.
No joke. It took my father, a veterinarian, to get a world class cancer hospital to give me the proper pain medication. Un- Fucking Real!
WHAT I STILL CANNOT FIND OUT
- How long I stopped breathing
- How long my seizure lasted & did they give me my rescue meds
- Why was no one watching me in the OBSERVATION UNIT to ensure I was breathing
- I noticed my ribs were extremely sore, for 3 days post-op – there is no explanation beyond the fact they must’ve done chest compressions
- How long was I unresponsive?
- Did I actually flatline?
MY NDE: MEETING A LOVED ONE THAT HAS PASSED
I KNEW IT WAS MORE THAN A DREAM
After my long-awaited relief from the excruciating pain, and finally getting my pain controlled, my thoughts kept coming back to these images, replaying again and again. I knew it felt stronger than merely a dream.
It was so intense that I have no doubt I experienced an NDE.
I’ve discussed losing a dear friend, Jaclyn, or Jac as many of us call her, in many Posts but I dedicated this one to her:
She was my” brain cancer partner in crime”. She passed on May 9, 2017. Luckily, I got to say “goodbye” although she was unable to move and nonverbal”. Our “goodbye” was miraculous for reasons I won’t get into here. Yet, I had an inexplicable feeling of peace when I left her hospital room.
She was one of the greatest people I ever met!
If anyone had “an energy”, Boy, was it Jac!
“MEETING” JAC AGAIN
Jac has shown that she’s with me before.
One example is that on the 2nd anniversary of her passing, my surgeon told me I needed my 5th brain surgery. I was an absolute wreck. My wonderful surgeon told my husband and I “to take our time getting ourselves ( i.e. Me) together”. I explained it was her anniversary, so he completely understood!
Now, all the staff left the room. However about a minute later, the sink suddenly started running – no one was anywhere close enough to set-off the sensor. I laughed and said, “That’s Jac.”
Fast forward to the ICU in January 2020… the brand new ICU at NYU is like a high-end hotel! Of course, the sink in my room constantly turned on without anyone anywhere close enough to set-off the sensor. Even an ICU nurse was in the room once when it happened, she turned around and said, “That’s so weird! I have never seen that happen!” Well, I knew why… Jac showing once again that she was with me.
Now, you may wonder how this could this happen again? Well, it did while I was in the ER a few weeks ago. There was a sink outside my triage room. No one was anywhere around. Yet, that sink suddenly started running!
IT WASN’T MY TIME
So, back to those images, replaying again and again in my head while I was hospitalized after this major surgery in October 2020.
This is how it played out:
- I sat in my hospital bed, but in NYU’s Rusk Rehab (where I was hospitalized in late January into February 2020 ) and Jac sat in a chair in the corner of the room. The fact that she sat in that area is very significant! This is why:
- When I was initially transferred from the ICU to NYU’s Rusk Rehab, there was a smiley face helium balloon just floating in the hallway. I said to the medical transport staff, “God, that’s odd.” While we waited to find out what room I would be admitted into, the balloon started floating toward me.
- By Now everyone was a little weirded-out, including me!
- This was near the elevators. Yet, the room I was admitted into was around 2 separate corners from that area.
- Nonetheless, that balloon floated right into my room, hung out next to my bed and then floated into the corner, right where Jac sat in my NDE.
DESPITE COUNTLESS DEMANDS FOR ANSWERS:
I do not know if my heart stopped, yet I know I stopped breathing for an unknown period of time. I could look at the records I FINALLY received, but I’m deeply traumatized.
However, I understand Jac was telling me “It wasn’t my time” even though I don’t recall specifics of our conversation.
I always knew that balloon was her!!
.
2 thoughts on “Near Death Experiences & Why I Believe I Died After My Last Surgery:”